It's all about the experiences not about the things

So this is something I don't talk about (if ever here) earlier this year I started to go to a weekly small group for Young Adults at my local Gilda's Club. This last week we started talking about things & I let everyone in on my past as a CRAZY shopaholic (Ok to be truthful I still love to shop but not like i did pre-cancer) Oh to spend the whole day at the Target (evil red price stickers)  or at the Mall just buying Aiden anything his little heart could ever want. Then when I first got cancer when I was having a good day I would be at it again buying whatever would help Aiden though my sickness. But then as I got well I the joy of the hunt became less and less. Like I brought up in my small group this week I had went to a conference at the end of my treatment where the speaker talked about how when she was going thought treatment she would buy her kids EVERYTHING they wanted because she worried she wouldn't be able to win over cancer & if her kids had all these things they would remember her a lot more then if she had not gotten all these things. That is when it hit me. I was getting all these things so that Aiden would remember me when really I just need to stop & have experiences with him as he would remember those a lot better. That is why when people ask me what I want I have such a hard time. Just today my mom was asking what is something I would like & I just can't think of anything that would really make me happy other then just more time with my family. Maybe that is why I spend so much time talking about Camp Kesem, I want every child who has had to deal with the crap Aiden has had to deal with to for just week be a kid... a kid who jumps off a boat, a kid who learns the most crazy songs, a kid who is not called by their real name for a whole week but picks up a camp name like SuperDog, No-Name, Boots, Blue Ranger, .... The list could out on. We have been OVERLY blessed by Camp Kesem & I don't think we would be doing as well as we are without it. You can check out more here http://campkesem.org/ But I also plan on making a post (I am shocked I have not already done one.

later this month I will go in for my year 2 1/2 check up with CT & Blood work. Part of me can't wait but another part of me wishes I never had to go back. Really the only thing I want more then Experiences is for CANCER to be GONE ... let it DIE & BURN IN HELL

Sunday at the Lake

(This post was written almost 2 months ago, but I keep forgetting to post it)

** Warning - this post is heavy with Cancer fears/feelings  **

As I sit on the shore of one of the thousands of lakes in MN I am just reminded just how great God is & how amazing of a life I have had (and still have to live).  It's 7:30am & almost everyone is still asleep after staying up far past 11pm last night. I am just enjoying the sounds of the birds & even cooler the MN State bird the Loon. Sadly it rained a little bit so I can't go sit on the dock with out getting super wet. As I sit in & enjoy the MN summer sounds I find myself wondering/ thinking "did I ever let the fear of death from cancer ever really hit me when I was in chemo like I fear it now" I feel like the threat is more real now then it was before. Is it because I am more open to the knowledge or is it I was in such a fog that I really didn't even know anything other then what I did (or had do to) every day ... that was LIVE , LIVE for God, Live for Chris, Live for Aiden. I mean truly I lived everyone but not for everyday. I also seemed to live for everyone else but never myself.

So Facebook showed a photo from me of two  years ago where I had no hair ... just a little bold girl with my family who loved me so much. I smiled but was a really Happy or was I just smiling to make other feel good? To tell you the truth I really don't remember, it was truly a fog. One that I kinda wish I could remember so that I can help other. Talking about hair I am so happy to do the simple thing of pulling it all back in a ponytail (yes the simple small stuff) but now when I see hair in my brush I have flash back to when I first saw that after I first started to get chemo. The proof was real... It was in my hand I was truly sick.

Now I have been sick my whole life, I always had something off about me but this was different This was truly something the whole world could see not just those that know me or those who had seen my work. It is odd when someone can see you are sick but not really sure why.  I mean for most people who known me they would not know my story. The story how I never crawled & because of this I have fewer mussels in my eyes that others, so simply taking notes in class is harder then others. They would not see that I suck at spelling & if it was not for computers with spell check I don't think I would get as far as I have. the fact that I sometimes zone out & it's not that I don't care it's just that my brain needs a little brake & goes off in t's own little happy place.

----- This is where the original post stopped ----

I wish I could find a way to end this post but I really don't know what my next thoughts were so instead of making something up I think I will just leave you all hanging :) But know this I am in seeking the help I need to make me feel whole. Part of my healing I am keep mostly to my family but by this time next month I hope to share more about what is going on or should I say were I just was.

For those who are going though Cancer I pray that you will find the help you need in the moment so that you don't feel like you are only living for your family & friends but you can live for yourself.

Crayola Experience Part2

So we have now been there 2 Saturdays in a row & had just as much fun this time as we did the last time. 

In this post I will talk about the differnt exibites 

Activity Studio

This is a really cool area that has a lot of differnt art stuff like markers, crayns & water colors (don't worry they also have a BIG dryer so that you don't have to walk around with wet artwork) With a projet idea. I don't know how offen the the thyme changes but the two weeks we have been there it's been Under Water. So the Art projet is to make a Suba mast & air tank. Super Dog was really not into makeing eather of the projets so he just did his own thing. 

Art Alive

This is where you draw/color a image on the tablets then "send" it & it will apear on the large smart board/screen. If kids touch the screen/wall the image will change. 

  

Be A Star

You become the STAR of the color sheet in this area 

Birthday Rooms

They even have rooms you can rent for birthdays & fun 

Café Crayola

Becuse after playing so much you need to refuel with Food. 

Super Dog had PB&J uncrustable, carats & a root beer ($8.99) I had Pizza & Frys (yes odd combo but that is how it came & Super Dog loved the frys). To be 100% truthful The food was not the best & you could get better by leaving for lunch then coming back but it was nice to have a place to relax & not have to stress about finding a CLEAN table. Plus the kids meal came with the cute lunch box & cup  (Insider tip - If you have a membership you will get 10%off on food)

  

Café Stage

This was a fun little show about how crayola products are made. The days we were there it was about Silly puddy, Super Dog didn't want to watch the show but the parts of it we did see were really cool. 

Color Magic

Ever want to take a Selfie with page you colored? Well this is the place to do it. You will close a photo then take it to one of the computers were you will scan the image & snap . You are even able to email it to yourself 

Color Playground

They even have a place were kids can run around crazy & let the parents relax a little bit. (they think of everyting) Yes that is a Sky light you see above it. 

  

  

Colossal Caddy

This is a area FULL of color sheets & thousands of crayons. 

Crayola Store

EVERYTING Crayola is in this store plus a mini "Be a star" make your own color sheet area. The store is open to everyon 

(Insider tip- If you have a membership you get 10% in the store)

Crayon Factory

Let Scarlet & Turk (2 crayon friends) show you how Crayola makes their crayons. I am sure many of you have seen "How crayons are made" but this is a really cool interactive show that kids are sure to love. Plus you walk out with a new red crayon when all is done. Shows last about 20 mins. 

  

Doodle In The Dark

Think White bord but under black lights 

Drip Art

(we called it spin are) Here you will put a crayon of your picking in the melter & it will drip wax as you control how fast the paper spins. 

 

Melt & Mold 

Every wanted a Ring crayon or a Race Car crayon, How about a Babe the blue (really any color) Ox crayon. Swing by this place to make one.

  

Meltdown 

(I called it Drip art) Here you will take "paint" with melted crayon wax. 

Word from the wise - Don't try to "Splater paint" the wax is HOT. 

Modeling Madness

 here you will use one of the coins you were given when you checked in (see other blog post for more information about them) to "buy" a color of Modeling Magic. Once you have picked out your color head over to the table & play away. Model Magic is WAY better then play-Doh as it stays together & you don't need to worry about it drying out as you walk around the mall, it takes DAYS to dry out.  

 

Paint Palette 

(same area as Activity Studio) 

Puzzle It!

Make your own Puzzle There are 2 differnt sizes (6 & 12 pices) 

Rainbow Rain

Rockin' Paper

Here you will make paper "dance" (there would had been a vido to go with this but I guess hitting record is helpful)

Say "Crayola!" 

They have "green screens around so you can have your photo taken & they will put something behind you. No one was taking photos our first visit & our 2nd visit we were not asked if we wanted our photo taken, I am ok with that as I know it cost money to have your photo printed. 

Scribble Square 

If your child likes to color on walls, windows, your dog ... Well here is a place you can say "Go at kid" :) Everything that is Black or green is a chackbord anything that is white is a white bord & yet you are seeing it write EVERYTHING can be writen on. 

  

Toddler Town 

Here is a play area JUST for the little ones with just as much fun as the one for Bigger kids. 

  

Trading Post 

This is area were you can buy candy & "Participate in a premium craft experience" (This is how they have it listed on their website). We didn't look to close at this part.

Wrap it up! 

Here you will get to "make" your own crayon. Pick a color, pick a name & image for your crayon, & then Wrap it up. (I talked more about this in the other blog post)

You Design

 Here you can design a car or an outfit Then "send" it to the BIG screen where you will see your design come alive. 

    

MN kids these days are so lucky

So I know this blog started out as a "Cancer Blog" but my life is so much more then Cancer and this post is all about "the other stuff". So be ready for alot of photos & information about some crazy fun Super Dog (aka Aiden) & I had along with a one of our good friends this weekend. 

So last week this amazing place called Crayola Experience opened at Mall of America. When I first found out it that it was coming I must have watched every review video on YouTube & the thought "it couldn't be that cool" ... WOW was I wrong. This place  is AMAZING & well worth the $34.99 yearly membership fee (they have a daily fee but you will want to go more then once)

So when you first walk in the gate the first thing you see is "Wrap it up" this is where you can make your own crayon
 Step 1. Name your color 
(Have not fear parents, they do have filters in place) 
Step 2. Wrap it up 
Super Dog are you happy to be here? 
Ok maybe that is better

Then there was this tiny Play area (ok just joking)
   

They also have a little kids play area 




They even have fun Spin Art with wax

There was puzzle make


Plus there is Color Alive, where you color a image & it appears on the wall



Ok I have to get back to work but will post more later
but for now I would say we would rate it at 4.5 out of 5 markers

Plus we have Lunch (this will be a review on its own)