So this is something I don't talk about (if ever here) earlier this year I started to go to a weekly small group for Young Adults at my local Gilda's Club. This last week we started talking about things & I let everyone in on my past as a CRAZY shopaholic (Ok to be truthful I still love to shop but not like i did pre-cancer) Oh to spend the whole day at the Target (evil red price stickers) or at the Mall just buying Aiden anything his little heart could ever want. Then when I first got cancer when I was having a good day I would be at it again buying whatever would help Aiden though my sickness. But then as I got well I the joy of the hunt became less and less. Like I brought up in my small group this week I had went to a conference at the end of my treatment where the speaker talked about how when she was going thought treatment she would buy her kids EVERYTHING they wanted because she worried she wouldn't be able to win over cancer & if her kids had all these things they would remember her a lot more then if she had not gotten all these things. That is when it hit me. I was getting all these things so that Aiden would remember me when really I just need to stop & have experiences with him as he would remember those a lot better. That is why when people ask me what I want I have such a hard time. Just today my mom was asking what is something I would like & I just can't think of anything that would really make me happy other then just more time with my family. Maybe that is why I spend so much time talking about Camp Kesem, I want every child who has had to deal with the crap Aiden has had to deal with to for just week be a kid... a kid who jumps off a boat, a kid who learns the most crazy songs, a kid who is not called by their real name for a whole week but picks up a camp name like SuperDog, No-Name, Boots, Blue Ranger, .... The list could out on. We have been OVERLY blessed by Camp Kesem & I don't think we would be doing as well as we are without it. You can check out more here http://campkesem.org/ But I also plan on making a post (I am shocked I have not already done one.
later this month I will go in for my year 2 1/2 check up with CT & Blood work. Part of me can't wait but another part of me wishes I never had to go back. Really the only thing I want more then Experiences is for CANCER to be GONE ... let it DIE & BURN IN HELL
