Is it to odd to feel guilty that I am well & others are
not? I know I have talked about survivor guilt before and how that is all
normal but for some reason just a few moments ago well I was washing my hands I
had an overwhelming feeling that I should not be here, I should be ill in a bed
or sitting in the chair on the 3rd floor of the U of M. Intend I was at my work washing my hand just
working & living as nothing happened to me. I am even getting emotional
sitting at my desk typing this hoping no one walks over & sees me. It’s
been over a year since Treatment has finished & my health has been ok (not
super great but better). I am just lost in a fog I don’t know how I will get
thought the next few hours. If I could I would love to leave work right now.
Then I would go to Aiden & Chris just so I could hold them and maybe that
would remind me that everything OK.
God dose work in Crazy ways. So as I am writing this my
phone keeps going off saying I have a new Text message. I was kind of ignoring it
at first but then when I looked at it I was SHOCKED at what I saw J I had 4 Text saying
some one was praying for me. I know I am never fighting alone or Standing alone
God has put in army of angels to fight for me and to Stand with me when things
get hard.
Lord I pray this simple message will help someone today. To
the person who feels alone, Please know you are NEVER alone please know that
God is always here & so am I if you need someone to talk with.
