Telling Aiden...

Aiden dressed as a firefighter for this Halloween

Aiden Andrew Ryan Payne is 4 years old. He is a big boy, if you ask him, not a baby. Over the past year he's grown up a lot. There were periods last year where he would kick or push his classmates or just get in trouble a lot. From then to now he seems to have grown into a polite and respectful pupil at Crossview Early Childhood Center.

Asking for things he says 'please' and usually says 'thank you' after getting what he wanted. Listening ears are on as much as one can expect from a 4 year old and I couldn't ask for a better, more rambunctious and happy go lucky son.

So how do I tell him his Mommy has cancer?

Cancer is a word that isn't in his vocabulary yet. He understands cold, even the Flu, but Cancer is completely void of any definition for him. I believe in honesty and being blunt, even with a child and he already seemed to know that something wasn't quite right. His teachers told us he's been a bit more sensitive and prone to crying which is completely different than what he usually is like.

I sat him down tonight on my lap and told him we had to talk. At first he thought he was in trouble (history of rambunctiousness) and was nervous. He knows what being sick is and for lack of better understandable words I used that and added a 'very' in front of it. 

'Mommy is very sick.'

"Ok." His voice quiet and low, his eyes looking at my chest and not at me.

It was hard to continue because he understood how much 'very' meant to 'sick' and that it meant Mommy wasn't okay. Right now I can only manage to write a sentence or two before I have to stop, think about how our conversation went, center myself and type more words. I hate to make Aiden sad and it breaks Patti's heart as well and she says that the hardest part of her day, since she found out, is when she thinks about Aiden and how her sickness will affect him.

'Mommy is going to be sick for many months while the Doctors make her get better. There are going to be times where she will not be able to play with you as much and will be very, very tired. Do you understand?"

"uh..huh.."

"It will mean Daddy might be taking you to school and picking you up more! You will have to be gentle with Mommy okay? She will stay strong if you stay strong!"

"Okay..."

"We love you and Mommy will get better. We just have to have faith. We have to be strong and we have to help Mommy when she needs it."

He doesn't fully understand, he knows his Mommy is sick, and it makes him sad and probably anxious. Aiden won't fully know what's going on until many years later, he'll see Patti get weak and sick and God willing get better and stronger. There will be many side effects during and afterward we'll have to deal with as a family and we're sad that Aiden has to go through this at such a young age, but maybe it's better when he doesn't fully understand. I love the little guy and besides Patti, he will have the next toughest time during all of this. 

Seeing that cute little smile dim will be the hardest part for both of us.